My last post was so depressing... Things have gotten better with BFFD. We are both having struggles with depression and it's hard when we are BOTH having struggles at the same time. It's getting better though and our friendship remains unscathed.
In order to help prepare myself financially for single motherhood, I have decided to start selling 31 products. It's a Christian based company and they really focus on women. I have used their products for a few years now and it's a product I can really get excited about! I've never sold anything before, but these bags really sell themselves for the most part.
I had a kick-off open house this afternoon and it went great! I had several friends stop by and place orders. I think I've got 2 people willing to book parties that were today too! I really hope the business takes off and allows me to make some extra cash to be able to do some "extras" with the kids.
I have been going to some real estate open houses the past few weekends. I figure it can't hurt to see what I realistically expect to get within my price range. I've seen some really nasty places as well as some really great places. It gives me a lot of hope that there are some houses out there that I could see myself living in, in the not-to-distant future. Yesterday, I went to one in the same school district area where I teach. It's in my price range and was immaculate! If I was in the position to do so, I would have made an offer on it yesterday! It's priced really well and the school area is a highly desirable area of town, so I am guessing the house won't last long on the market. I will have a hard time when someone else buys it. It's really a perfect house for me and the kids. Bedrooms for each, plus an extra bedroom for guests/crafting room, plus another extra bedroom for a playroom! It has a family room and a living room and two full bathrooms. Very clean and well maintained. I'll be keeping my eye on it... It helps to motivate me to get things packed up around here and have it ready for showings. I've moved up my time line and if we can manage to get it listed in early March, get a quick and reasonable offer...maybe it'll still be available?
Just hoping and praying our house will go quickly...
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Lost...
I am feeling so hurt, angry and lost.
It started nearly 2 weeks ago. BFFD has been avoiding me. She might tell you she's not, but she really is. She also struggles from depression as I said in my previous post. Up until the past couple of weeks we've been able to support each other through the hard times and times when the depression is threatening to take over. For some reason, this time, she's shutting me out. It hurts like hell.
The only communication from her in nearly 2 weeks has been the occasional text message just asking me to pray for her. She know that I know that she's struggling, yet she's been very cryptic and unwilling to share with me what spurred on this most recent bout. She has only assured me that it's not me that she's angry with or having problems with. No other info.
Knowing how hard it can be, my texts back to her have been supportive and assuring her of the prayers, and offering a listening ear, help with the kids and hugs. I've been ignored or rebuffed on all fronts.
I understand the need for space when you are sinking into the depths. I also understand that it helps to be able to share with someone your thoughts and feelings...it helps to know that you are not alone on this awful and unending journey. Sharing your burden with another person who doesn't judge and truly understands what it's like can make you feel less alone.
Knowing the BFFD has needed some space, I've given it to her. However, last night, via text messages, I did share with her how painful this has been for me to be shut out so completely and for so long. Because, really, nearly 2 weeks is a VERY LONG TIME when you are suffering from depression. It's practically a lifetime.
It also hurts that she hasn't expressed the need for some space. She just shut me out and expected me to figure it out.
Her reply when I asked why she hasn't shared ANY of her struggles with me...she has trust issues and it's something I know about her.
Yes, I know she has trust issues. We have had many long and personal conversations about our issues with trust in others. We've also has so many conversations where we have shared things with each other that we have not shared with anyone else. Over the course of our friendship I have felt like the issue of trust BETWEEN us was now a moot point. I didn't realize that we (she) still had trust issues where I was concerned.
In many ways this makes me feel so betrayed and abandoned by her.
I feel like she is saying that she doesn't trust me. How can you be best friends with someone and share so much and now suddenly not trust? It felt like a slap in the face. It felt like I have been relegated to the category of "friendships" that she shares with co-workers and others. In the past she has always made me feel like our friendship is truly special to her. She's make it evident in the past that I understand her in a way that no one can because of the depression we share. She's made it clear in the past that no matter what, I really am her BFF. Now, I feel as if a bucket of icy cold water has been thrown on the warmth and comfort of our friendship.
Part of the reason that my marriage has failed is due to a lack of being able to trust and be trusted. For a lot of different excuses, STBX has felt like he cannot trust me. This lack of being able to be trusted has really eroded our relationship, to the point where we've decided we have to end it. I know that there are a lot of other issues that eroded my marriage, but the trust issue was certainly one. While I understand and KNOW that my friendship with BFFD is not a marriage, for me, it's been a friendship that has been so much deeper and important than my marriage for a long time. She has become the one person I have felt I could rely upon for anything as my marriage crumbled.
Has our entire friendship been a sham?
Without my BFFD really, truly being my BFF I feel lost...
It started nearly 2 weeks ago. BFFD has been avoiding me. She might tell you she's not, but she really is. She also struggles from depression as I said in my previous post. Up until the past couple of weeks we've been able to support each other through the hard times and times when the depression is threatening to take over. For some reason, this time, she's shutting me out. It hurts like hell.
The only communication from her in nearly 2 weeks has been the occasional text message just asking me to pray for her. She know that I know that she's struggling, yet she's been very cryptic and unwilling to share with me what spurred on this most recent bout. She has only assured me that it's not me that she's angry with or having problems with. No other info.
Knowing how hard it can be, my texts back to her have been supportive and assuring her of the prayers, and offering a listening ear, help with the kids and hugs. I've been ignored or rebuffed on all fronts.
I understand the need for space when you are sinking into the depths. I also understand that it helps to be able to share with someone your thoughts and feelings...it helps to know that you are not alone on this awful and unending journey. Sharing your burden with another person who doesn't judge and truly understands what it's like can make you feel less alone.
Knowing the BFFD has needed some space, I've given it to her. However, last night, via text messages, I did share with her how painful this has been for me to be shut out so completely and for so long. Because, really, nearly 2 weeks is a VERY LONG TIME when you are suffering from depression. It's practically a lifetime.
It also hurts that she hasn't expressed the need for some space. She just shut me out and expected me to figure it out.
Her reply when I asked why she hasn't shared ANY of her struggles with me...she has trust issues and it's something I know about her.
Yes, I know she has trust issues. We have had many long and personal conversations about our issues with trust in others. We've also has so many conversations where we have shared things with each other that we have not shared with anyone else. Over the course of our friendship I have felt like the issue of trust BETWEEN us was now a moot point. I didn't realize that we (she) still had trust issues where I was concerned.
In many ways this makes me feel so betrayed and abandoned by her.
I feel like she is saying that she doesn't trust me. How can you be best friends with someone and share so much and now suddenly not trust? It felt like a slap in the face. It felt like I have been relegated to the category of "friendships" that she shares with co-workers and others. In the past she has always made me feel like our friendship is truly special to her. She's make it evident in the past that I understand her in a way that no one can because of the depression we share. She's made it clear in the past that no matter what, I really am her BFF. Now, I feel as if a bucket of icy cold water has been thrown on the warmth and comfort of our friendship.
Part of the reason that my marriage has failed is due to a lack of being able to trust and be trusted. For a lot of different excuses, STBX has felt like he cannot trust me. This lack of being able to be trusted has really eroded our relationship, to the point where we've decided we have to end it. I know that there are a lot of other issues that eroded my marriage, but the trust issue was certainly one. While I understand and KNOW that my friendship with BFFD is not a marriage, for me, it's been a friendship that has been so much deeper and important than my marriage for a long time. She has become the one person I have felt I could rely upon for anything as my marriage crumbled.
Has our entire friendship been a sham?
Without my BFFD really, truly being my BFF I feel lost...
Saturday, January 14, 2012
What If...
Thankfully we've moved out of the "why" stage with the kids. We've now entered the "what if" stage with the boy child. I swear my head might explode if I hear..."Mommy, what if..." followed by anything including "I lived in China?", "I was 7 feet tall?" and "we could speak Spanish?" The most inane questions...I generally respond with, "Well, what do you think Isaac?" Grrrrrr.... it's getting a bit tiresome!
What if...I could get some uninterrupted sleep and have a full 24 hours completely to myself...if my own house? Wow! The possibilities are endless.
What if...I could get some uninterrupted sleep and have a full 24 hours completely to myself...if my own house? Wow! The possibilities are endless.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Depression
I've been on a roller coaster ride for the past few years. A roller coaster ride with anxiety and depression. It's something I never had to deal with until after having kids.
It began a few months after I gave birth to the boy child. I began having panic attacks and having a really hard time stopping myself from having awful and insane thoughts. I was constantly worrying and on the verge of panic most of the time. I also felt very discontented and sad. I knew it wasn't "normal" so I did call my doctor and he saw me right away and gave me some medication to begin immediately to help. Boy, did it ever! I felt "normal" again for several months. I went off the meds so we could try to get pregnant again. My biological clock was ticking and I didn't want to wait too long since it took us 7 months to get pregnant the first time.
Second time took 2 months. Much faster than we anticipated. Pretty normal pregnancy (emotionally speaking). Since I had a history of post-partum depression (and anxiety) the hospital social worker was in contact within the first couple of days I was home. It only took about 2 weeks for things to start feeling "off" for me. At the girl's 4 week check up I asked the pediatrician if I should wait the extra 2 weeks until my own 6 week check up or if I should call right away. I was feeling extremely numb at this point. It was like everything was covered with a translucent sheet. Nothing was bright or vibrant and I certainly wasn't enjoying the time with the new baby like I knew I should be. She was a much more difficult baby than her brother was. I felt like it took every ounce of my patience to get through the day of taking care of her. That meant I had none left for when my husband and son got home from work and day care. I knew I was short and pretty bitchy by the time they got home. I knew that wasn't fair to them, but I felt unable to cope otherwise. I wanted so badly to feel a connection with the new baby, but it was tentative at best. This was devastating to me. I have always ADORED babies and could form a connection nearly instantly with nearly every baby I came in contact with, yet I wasn't able to feel it with my own. I was going through the motions and faking it well enough that I appeared normal to the outside world.
The pediatrician encouraged me to call my OB asap, which I did. They got me started back on the same meds that had worked so well before. It was about this same time that a friend who had given birth about 2 weeks ahead of me called and encouraged me to attend the newborn parenting group at our local hospital. The people I met at that group would change my life.
I give a lot of credit to the meds for helping me to begin to FEEL things again. I give even more credit to the amazing friends I made through that group. I really didn't want to go, but knowing how I was feeling, I knew I should go. I knew it would probably do me some good to get out of the house and see some other moms who were having similar day to day struggles with caring for their newborns. I put on my big-girl pants and sucked up my courage and went.
I remember walking in and seeing someone I worked a youth recreation program with back in my college days during the summer. DG remembered me instantly and welcomed me into the room. I was the first "mom" to be there as DG was the facilitator for the group. Slowly, other moms and their babies began to trickle in. Before long there was about 10 of us there. We just visited with each other, gave advice when it was asked for, let the babies lay on blankets next to each other, and it felt so good! Since I was the mom of TWO kids, I felt like some of the other moms really looked to me for advice since I had "been there, done that" already and was on round two of motherhood. It was such a confidence and esteem builder. I felt uplifted and...hopeful.
I kept going back to the parenting group. Each week there was a "core" group of moms that came and others that rotated in and out. Between this group of women who were there to solely support each other, the friends I was making in the group, and the meds, I really started to feel human again. I started to ENJOY my darling daughter and the time I had with her. I started to WANT to get out of the house and take life by the horns and LIVE it.
It was here that I met my BFFD. I truly believe that God had a hand in the two of us meeting each other. By the time she came to the group, she was in the beginning stages of post-partum depression, but she didn't see it yet. As we visited and got to know each other we realized that we were nearly twins. We were both second time moms. Our oldest were boys who were born A DAY APART, so we were actually in the hospital together. We both lived in Auburn. We both were teachers. We both were married to teachers. One of her husband's good friends was my ex from a long time ago. Too many connections to deny!
Slowly but surely we began to form a friendship. Before long we were comfortable enough in our friendship to introduce the husbands and kids. The husbands got a long famously and so did the kids! They were just barely two years old, but they had a ball together! They are still BFFs!
Over time, BFFD was able to come to terms with her own PPD and seek help for it. We helped each other through the hard days. After some months, the original medication I was taking was no longer as effective as I felt it should be. I got in contact with my doctor and we tried something new. What a difference!!!
Depression is different for everyone. So, what is depression like for me? This is a question that my husband (now STBX) never asked me.
For me depression is an overwhelming feeling of numbness. It's a feeling of just trying to get through the day without breaking down. I equate it to always feeling like I'm in a hole. Some days the hole is barely a divot in the ground and it is an easy day to get through. Make no mistake, even on the good days, there is still a sense of "getting through" the day. Some days, I begin in a real hole with my head just above ground. It's those days that are the hardest. It's those days that I really want to just go back to bed and sleep until the hole gets smaller. The days where I'm knee-deep into the hole are hard as well. I fight all day long to keep myself from getting buried. Inevitably by the time I get home from work, get dinner on the table, play with the kids, get dishes cleaned up and get the kids to bed, I'm barely peering over the edge of the hole. Every single day is an emotional struggle on some level. Most days I am able to get through it, at least until the kids are in bed. Then, I either fall asleep or veg out in front of the computer. I don't have the mental energy to do schoolwork, house cleaning, laundry, or even read a book.
It's a perpetual cycle. I WANT to read a book and enjoy it. I WANT to catch up on my favorite tv shows. I WANT to get the office cleaned up and organized because the mess stresses me out. However, I do not have the energy to do any of these things. The few times I do have time to myself...to really do whatever it is I want to do...I usually don't do anything constructive. Then, I feel like I'm a failure because I've had all this time and the only thing I've done is update my FB status, taken a 4 hour nap and read the celebrity gossip websites.
I want an entire WEEK to myself. I can spend a few days in bed escaping life and THEN I can do some of the more constructive things I'd like to do. I won't get that week anytime soon. I'd miss the kids too much anyway.
I went back to my doctor yesterday to discuss my depression. We've added a nighttime medication to supplement what I take each morning. He's also given me a list of counselors so I can start seeing someone to talk to. I really hope the counseling will be what it takes to get me over the hump. With the divorce wheels turning, we are going to need to get the house in shape to get it on the market. We're hoping to have it ready by mid-March. That will mean I HAVE to start using my evenings to clean out my closet and toss a bunch of stuff and finally get that office cleaned up.
I took the day off today. I had a doctor appointment for my quarterly Botox injections for my migraines, but I decided I needed the entire day off. I lay on the couch and literally watched 6 episodes of Dexter back-to-back. At least I didn't sleep all day...
It began a few months after I gave birth to the boy child. I began having panic attacks and having a really hard time stopping myself from having awful and insane thoughts. I was constantly worrying and on the verge of panic most of the time. I also felt very discontented and sad. I knew it wasn't "normal" so I did call my doctor and he saw me right away and gave me some medication to begin immediately to help. Boy, did it ever! I felt "normal" again for several months. I went off the meds so we could try to get pregnant again. My biological clock was ticking and I didn't want to wait too long since it took us 7 months to get pregnant the first time.
Second time took 2 months. Much faster than we anticipated. Pretty normal pregnancy (emotionally speaking). Since I had a history of post-partum depression (and anxiety) the hospital social worker was in contact within the first couple of days I was home. It only took about 2 weeks for things to start feeling "off" for me. At the girl's 4 week check up I asked the pediatrician if I should wait the extra 2 weeks until my own 6 week check up or if I should call right away. I was feeling extremely numb at this point. It was like everything was covered with a translucent sheet. Nothing was bright or vibrant and I certainly wasn't enjoying the time with the new baby like I knew I should be. She was a much more difficult baby than her brother was. I felt like it took every ounce of my patience to get through the day of taking care of her. That meant I had none left for when my husband and son got home from work and day care. I knew I was short and pretty bitchy by the time they got home. I knew that wasn't fair to them, but I felt unable to cope otherwise. I wanted so badly to feel a connection with the new baby, but it was tentative at best. This was devastating to me. I have always ADORED babies and could form a connection nearly instantly with nearly every baby I came in contact with, yet I wasn't able to feel it with my own. I was going through the motions and faking it well enough that I appeared normal to the outside world.
The pediatrician encouraged me to call my OB asap, which I did. They got me started back on the same meds that had worked so well before. It was about this same time that a friend who had given birth about 2 weeks ahead of me called and encouraged me to attend the newborn parenting group at our local hospital. The people I met at that group would change my life.
I give a lot of credit to the meds for helping me to begin to FEEL things again. I give even more credit to the amazing friends I made through that group. I really didn't want to go, but knowing how I was feeling, I knew I should go. I knew it would probably do me some good to get out of the house and see some other moms who were having similar day to day struggles with caring for their newborns. I put on my big-girl pants and sucked up my courage and went.
I remember walking in and seeing someone I worked a youth recreation program with back in my college days during the summer. DG remembered me instantly and welcomed me into the room. I was the first "mom" to be there as DG was the facilitator for the group. Slowly, other moms and their babies began to trickle in. Before long there was about 10 of us there. We just visited with each other, gave advice when it was asked for, let the babies lay on blankets next to each other, and it felt so good! Since I was the mom of TWO kids, I felt like some of the other moms really looked to me for advice since I had "been there, done that" already and was on round two of motherhood. It was such a confidence and esteem builder. I felt uplifted and...hopeful.
I kept going back to the parenting group. Each week there was a "core" group of moms that came and others that rotated in and out. Between this group of women who were there to solely support each other, the friends I was making in the group, and the meds, I really started to feel human again. I started to ENJOY my darling daughter and the time I had with her. I started to WANT to get out of the house and take life by the horns and LIVE it.
It was here that I met my BFFD. I truly believe that God had a hand in the two of us meeting each other. By the time she came to the group, she was in the beginning stages of post-partum depression, but she didn't see it yet. As we visited and got to know each other we realized that we were nearly twins. We were both second time moms. Our oldest were boys who were born A DAY APART, so we were actually in the hospital together. We both lived in Auburn. We both were teachers. We both were married to teachers. One of her husband's good friends was my ex from a long time ago. Too many connections to deny!
Slowly but surely we began to form a friendship. Before long we were comfortable enough in our friendship to introduce the husbands and kids. The husbands got a long famously and so did the kids! They were just barely two years old, but they had a ball together! They are still BFFs!
Over time, BFFD was able to come to terms with her own PPD and seek help for it. We helped each other through the hard days. After some months, the original medication I was taking was no longer as effective as I felt it should be. I got in contact with my doctor and we tried something new. What a difference!!!
Depression is different for everyone. So, what is depression like for me? This is a question that my husband (now STBX) never asked me.
For me depression is an overwhelming feeling of numbness. It's a feeling of just trying to get through the day without breaking down. I equate it to always feeling like I'm in a hole. Some days the hole is barely a divot in the ground and it is an easy day to get through. Make no mistake, even on the good days, there is still a sense of "getting through" the day. Some days, I begin in a real hole with my head just above ground. It's those days that are the hardest. It's those days that I really want to just go back to bed and sleep until the hole gets smaller. The days where I'm knee-deep into the hole are hard as well. I fight all day long to keep myself from getting buried. Inevitably by the time I get home from work, get dinner on the table, play with the kids, get dishes cleaned up and get the kids to bed, I'm barely peering over the edge of the hole. Every single day is an emotional struggle on some level. Most days I am able to get through it, at least until the kids are in bed. Then, I either fall asleep or veg out in front of the computer. I don't have the mental energy to do schoolwork, house cleaning, laundry, or even read a book.
It's a perpetual cycle. I WANT to read a book and enjoy it. I WANT to catch up on my favorite tv shows. I WANT to get the office cleaned up and organized because the mess stresses me out. However, I do not have the energy to do any of these things. The few times I do have time to myself...to really do whatever it is I want to do...I usually don't do anything constructive. Then, I feel like I'm a failure because I've had all this time and the only thing I've done is update my FB status, taken a 4 hour nap and read the celebrity gossip websites.
I want an entire WEEK to myself. I can spend a few days in bed escaping life and THEN I can do some of the more constructive things I'd like to do. I won't get that week anytime soon. I'd miss the kids too much anyway.
I went back to my doctor yesterday to discuss my depression. We've added a nighttime medication to supplement what I take each morning. He's also given me a list of counselors so I can start seeing someone to talk to. I really hope the counseling will be what it takes to get me over the hump. With the divorce wheels turning, we are going to need to get the house in shape to get it on the market. We're hoping to have it ready by mid-March. That will mean I HAVE to start using my evenings to clean out my closet and toss a bunch of stuff and finally get that office cleaned up.
I took the day off today. I had a doctor appointment for my quarterly Botox injections for my migraines, but I decided I needed the entire day off. I lay on the couch and literally watched 6 episodes of Dexter back-to-back. At least I didn't sleep all day...
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Welcome to 2012
Well, 2012 has started off decently. My NYE was...interesting. Went to dinner with my BFFD, her husband and several people from their church's community group. Then...hung out for an hour or so with an "old friend". That was definitely a very pleasant surprise. Perhaps this "old friend" will warrant their own post sometime in the future...stay tuned.
During this visit I managed to consume an entire bottle of chocolate wine. Word of advice...please do not attempt to do this yourself, especially on top of a heavy Mexican dinner. By the time I got to my BFFD's house for some games and more drinks, I felt like I was going to either puke or explode. I sat outside in my car in front of her house waiting for the nausea to pass. After about 30 minutes and actually falling asleep in the car, I decided I should just head home. Didn't really feel very social after my visit with the old friend either. I kind of wanted to savor it by myself and not let anything else get in the way of my thoughts...
Went home and collapsed in bed and was sound asleep (passed out?) by 11:15. Happy New Year to me. Needless to say, 2012 happened even though I technically missed it.
Since then I've had a sleepover with both kids at BFFD's house. We ate artichoke dip, drank wine and watched "Bridesmaids" after the kids went to bed. Believe it or not, we had the kids to bed by 9:00 and they finally stopped the talking and giggling around 11:20! Amazing what two five year olds and two three year olds can talk about for so long!
Went back to work today. I was actually really looking forward to it. I love my kids, but it was getting really exhausting having to pretend to be the "happy family" 24/7. Plus, STBX did A LOT of hanging with friends, etc... and I did not get that much time away. I actually got no real time "away". I saw my BFFD several times over break, which was AWESOME! But, we always had kids around when we did get together. Not really my ideal. I really do love my class too. They're great kids who like to have a lot of fun, but also are really serious about their work when the time comes. They're a class of REAL readers too. I just love, love, love that! We can talk about books together for an eternity. They get excited to share their favorites and take notes of titles they want to read when their friends are talking about books. I think they'd honestly read for an entire day if I let them! Hmmmmmm...that's not a bad idea. Might have to toss around the idea of a "read-in" or something to wrap up the semester here in a few weeks.
Well, I think I need to get to bed. While I was glad to get back to work, I was NOT glad that the alarm went off at 5:45. I could do without that. Plus, I'm curious what my dreams may bring tonight. Lots on my mind...especially my old friend.
Sweet dreams!
During this visit I managed to consume an entire bottle of chocolate wine. Word of advice...please do not attempt to do this yourself, especially on top of a heavy Mexican dinner. By the time I got to my BFFD's house for some games and more drinks, I felt like I was going to either puke or explode. I sat outside in my car in front of her house waiting for the nausea to pass. After about 30 minutes and actually falling asleep in the car, I decided I should just head home. Didn't really feel very social after my visit with the old friend either. I kind of wanted to savor it by myself and not let anything else get in the way of my thoughts...
Went home and collapsed in bed and was sound asleep (passed out?) by 11:15. Happy New Year to me. Needless to say, 2012 happened even though I technically missed it.
Since then I've had a sleepover with both kids at BFFD's house. We ate artichoke dip, drank wine and watched "Bridesmaids" after the kids went to bed. Believe it or not, we had the kids to bed by 9:00 and they finally stopped the talking and giggling around 11:20! Amazing what two five year olds and two three year olds can talk about for so long!
Went back to work today. I was actually really looking forward to it. I love my kids, but it was getting really exhausting having to pretend to be the "happy family" 24/7. Plus, STBX did A LOT of hanging with friends, etc... and I did not get that much time away. I actually got no real time "away". I saw my BFFD several times over break, which was AWESOME! But, we always had kids around when we did get together. Not really my ideal. I really do love my class too. They're great kids who like to have a lot of fun, but also are really serious about their work when the time comes. They're a class of REAL readers too. I just love, love, love that! We can talk about books together for an eternity. They get excited to share their favorites and take notes of titles they want to read when their friends are talking about books. I think they'd honestly read for an entire day if I let them! Hmmmmmm...that's not a bad idea. Might have to toss around the idea of a "read-in" or something to wrap up the semester here in a few weeks.
Well, I think I need to get to bed. While I was glad to get back to work, I was NOT glad that the alarm went off at 5:45. I could do without that. Plus, I'm curious what my dreams may bring tonight. Lots on my mind...especially my old friend.
Sweet dreams!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Almost NYE
It's nearly midnight...I'm tired but not sleepy. I want nothing more than to be able to go to sleep. I think it's time for a little help from Nyquil. It's got to be healthier than booze, right? Of course, a shot of whipped cream vodka does sound pretty good right about now. Might ease the pain in my knee...and my heart?
What a Fab Vacay This Has Been
Holy crap! This vacation has sucked. Started out with a cold on Day One. Then, yesterday we rented a storage unit to start dividing and moving stuff from the house. While moving boxes around in the garage, I had a box in my arms and was stepping over some stuff...only I didn't step high enough or far enough. Fell flat on the concrete garage floor. My right knee hit first and took all of my fat-ass weight on it. Box went flying as I dropped it to catch myself. My knee immediately swelled up like a balloon. Put ice on and moved into the house. Swelling wouldn't go down and it looked horribly deformed and hurt like the dickens. So, I decided I should probably go have it checked out.
STBX drove me to Urgent Care and dropped me off. TWO HOUR WAIT! He went back and finished filling the back of the car and unloaded at storage while I waited as patiently as I could in the Petri-Dish. I continued to ice my knee because it still was hurting like a bitch. Finally, after just OVER two hours, I got called back to a room. Nurse did her vitals on me (kinda dumb since I wasn't sick) and then left me to wait another 20 minutes for the doctor to grace me with his presence. He decided, based on where the swelling was, that it was possible I had broken the kneecap and ordered x-rays.
Good news...not broken! He wrapped it with an Ace bandage and told me to stay off it for a couple days as much as I could and keep icing it until swelling went down. If it was still bothering me after a week or so, then I would need an MRI to check for other damage.
Because of my impromptu doctor visit, we had to cancel and reschedule the appointment with the lawyer. We had the kids at day care yesterday so we could go see the lawyer. Grrrrr!
So, then we go see the lawyer this morning. Got paperwork started for the divorce. Very mixed emotions going on with that event.
In the meantime, my eyes started itching like crazy. I noticed after getting out of the shower this morning that my left eye was pretty red. I put some Visine in it and called it good. Not good enough. Seeing as how I had some students out with pink eye just before the vacation started and the itchiness and redness was getting worse, I called my own doctor. NO WAY was I going to go back to the Petri-Dish for another 2 hour wait. Luckily, I did not have to go in and see him. He just called in a prescription for me.
So, now my knee is swollen and black and blue, my ribs hurt from the fall, my eyes are red and itchy and I'm stuffed up from a head cold. The STBX has gone out with friends 3 or 4 times so far this break. The only time I've been able to see my BFFD is with kids around. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. Granted, my mother-in-law is coming over to babysit (since the STBX has a date with a party bus), but I have NO WHERE to go and no one to spend it with!
What a freaking fabulous vacation! I can't WAIT to get back to work!
STBX drove me to Urgent Care and dropped me off. TWO HOUR WAIT! He went back and finished filling the back of the car and unloaded at storage while I waited as patiently as I could in the Petri-Dish. I continued to ice my knee because it still was hurting like a bitch. Finally, after just OVER two hours, I got called back to a room. Nurse did her vitals on me (kinda dumb since I wasn't sick) and then left me to wait another 20 minutes for the doctor to grace me with his presence. He decided, based on where the swelling was, that it was possible I had broken the kneecap and ordered x-rays.
Good news...not broken! He wrapped it with an Ace bandage and told me to stay off it for a couple days as much as I could and keep icing it until swelling went down. If it was still bothering me after a week or so, then I would need an MRI to check for other damage.
Because of my impromptu doctor visit, we had to cancel and reschedule the appointment with the lawyer. We had the kids at day care yesterday so we could go see the lawyer. Grrrrr!
So, then we go see the lawyer this morning. Got paperwork started for the divorce. Very mixed emotions going on with that event.
In the meantime, my eyes started itching like crazy. I noticed after getting out of the shower this morning that my left eye was pretty red. I put some Visine in it and called it good. Not good enough. Seeing as how I had some students out with pink eye just before the vacation started and the itchiness and redness was getting worse, I called my own doctor. NO WAY was I going to go back to the Petri-Dish for another 2 hour wait. Luckily, I did not have to go in and see him. He just called in a prescription for me.
So, now my knee is swollen and black and blue, my ribs hurt from the fall, my eyes are red and itchy and I'm stuffed up from a head cold. The STBX has gone out with friends 3 or 4 times so far this break. The only time I've been able to see my BFFD is with kids around. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. Granted, my mother-in-law is coming over to babysit (since the STBX has a date with a party bus), but I have NO WHERE to go and no one to spend it with!
What a freaking fabulous vacation! I can't WAIT to get back to work!
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